Well, the text was from someone precious to me, and I hurt this person. I made this person feel like I didn't care about what they were going through. And I do. I DO care about what they are going through. It is all I can think about. So when precious friend of mine told me this news, about being angry, and pissed at me, I sunk.
Nobody asked me to sink. I chose to sink. To put myself in a hole. I did respond to the text with love and a thousand apologies. But I still sank in a hole. Then I got angry. At the injustice of it all. How many times have I been disappointed by those I love? They often have no time for me, and I understand and let it go. I was defending myself. So much anger - it was like setting fire to myself in my hole. How masochistic.
Depressive, negative behavior arises. And it passes.
Mine passed. Phew.
No more punishing myself. Because no matter what, no matter how much time we think we give to others, no matter what we think we do for others to help them, someone will be disappointed along the way. It is a constant cycle of perception and projection of the mind. You perceive what the other person said as _____ or _____ and you project this back to them, then they do it to you, and it rallies back and forth. You can't punish yourself for it. And if you do, just make sure you stop before its too late.
" It is NOT important to me what you think about me, and i don't take what you think personally.... I dont have the need to be accepted. I dont have the need to have someone tell me, " Miguel you are GREAT"... What ever YOU think, whatever YOU feel is YOUR problem not MY problem. " "PERSONAL IMPORTANCE or taking things personally, is an expression of SELFISHNESS because we make the assumption that everything is about ME!! NOTHING PEOPLE DO IS BECAUSE OF YOU!! IT'S BECAUSE OF THEMSELVES!!"
~ Don Miguel Ruiz