Just where have I been? Has it been almost THREE months since I posted, since I had some thing to say? Impossible! Not me, queen of verbosity! Well, I guess I didn't think I had anything useful to say here on this forum. And that is quite true since I have been absorbed in a false sense of reality for many, many months. That false sense of reality being STRESS. I have been looking at my life situations with the wrong prescription lenses...negativity. Self-pity. Stress. It is all a farse.
I think I spend 99 percent of my day complaining about how hard it is to be a parent and to balance all the things I do as a mother and put up with children's attitudes. Most of the complaining is done inside my own head, but a mighty portion is bloviated out to my spouse or friends. I have completely slapped presence in the face with my puny, spineless habit of complaining. It is shameful that we get lost in our own 'problems' or as my sister-in-law termed it, 'luxury problems'. ..it is like Chandler Bing once said in Friends "My wallet's too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight". What, really, are we complaining about?
Is it that we have to work? Or we have expectations that aren't being met? Or we are stuck in past good memories (or bad memories) or future possibilities? Are we missing out on life because we are stuck in our head? YES! I am constantly trying to busy myself mentally and physically as a ploy to not be in the moment, in presence and that is the only place I need to be in. I have been driving myself insane being busy minded, thoughts swirling around that head of mine with no breaks. No breaks. When we think ourselves into a frenzy we have NO BREAKS. Well, I deserve a break, as does everyone. A nice, silent, still, present break. Now that's reality.