Every year, my biggest challenge is accepting something. Accepting that my son is at a hard age, accepting that I have the battle scars of pregnancy, accepting that I don't know what others are thinking or what has brought them to be the way they are. It all sounds so simple but the process of accepting something or someone can be arduous, painful and for some people takes them a lifetime.
I guess I am lucky I have the vocabulary to understand the theory of acceptance. I say this because there are many of us who can discuss life, philosophy and abstract concepts at length without really living and practising them. I sit here, in America, in my comfort and still find space to complain about something. It is my resistance that creates the stress. Complaining is my resisting and I recognize it and yet still find it hard to fully and honestly accept.
The hardest thing for me to accept is myself. It is a lifelong habit and the foundations of my childhood that make it hard for me to break through the lens of resistance and just see myself for what I am. Just another being.
Accepting yourself is likely the most freeing feeling of all. It helps you to embrace the real you. The you that could be Blood Type O and a carnivore, or the you that is vegan and an animal rights activist, or the you that is never going to be a size 0 because it's just a number, not you. Accepting that you are here, now.
I always wanted to live in the East somewhere and be a part of a cause, to work in human rights and to not sit behind a desk on the other side of the world. I wanted to be on the ground where I was needed. I often think about those goals but life took me on another path. A path I am blessed to have been taken down, and I now understand that I will fulfill what I am meant to in the right time. For when the time is right for something to happen, the stars align, and there is no resistance. It happens with ease.
I think humans are somewhat plagued by inner restlessness and resistance to just being. Everyone likes to live in anticipation of something, or plan for something, or wait for something, or remember how wonderful life was. And we like to sign up for too many things, as a way of numbing ourselves from silence. Keep busy, keep moving, keep distracted. We identify our feelings of restlessness as boredom (according to Don't Sweat The Small Stuff) and this boredom, which is a learned response and a form of anxiety, is alleviated by filling our lives with something 'exciting' or something to look forward to. I admit, I am constantly trying to do more and berating myself for not doing enough and I always need a project or an event or something to look forward to. Reading about boredom and recognizing it as a learned response not only allowed me to feel like I could gain control of my mind but helped me to let a huge wave of calm wash over me.
So, for now I have decided to be at ease. To allow my mind some space, and peace. And to be.
Here is some inspiration, to keep you, and me, in the now.
"Let go of the idea that the path will lead you to your goal. The truth is that with each step we take, we arrive. Repeat that to yourself every morning ,"I've arrived". That way you'll find it much easier to stay in touch with each second of your day." - Paulo Coehlo
"Don't save your enormous creativity for 'something better'. Give it to this." - Rob Brezsny
"Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?" - David M. Bader